Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
[Homer is teaching a university course on marriage]
Homer: I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Krabappel: We need names!
Homer: Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson!"
[Ned and Homer are driving in a snowstorm.]
Ned Flanders: Homer, we just hit something!
Homer: Ooooooh, I hope it was Flanders
Heerlijk verwarrende conversatie aan tafel:
Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat products.
Bart: You dunkin your sausages in that syrup, Home boy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Ah, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to,
Homer: Bart, go to your room!